[whatever he was expecting apollo to say, this isn't it. putting himself out of reach, midnighter spends a long while standing there in silence, gaze fixed on his husband with an intensity usually seen in battle rather than conversation.
when he finally does break his own silence, his expression remains hard, anger barely restrained. apollo said "i", not "we". meaning he has no plans on taking midnighter with him, and that's the part that sets him on edge.]
I suppose we'll find out if the space suits can make it through reentry tomorrow then. Might have to take a second oxygen tank.
[the assumption being that he's going with apollo. there's no way he's going to sit back and let his husband go down there alone.]
[ And that's the real issue with the conversation. He can feel it already, the oncoming battle of words. Apollo isn't one to shy away from a fight but in this one he knows the outcome isn't going to be one that Midnighter likes. This isn't a Midnighter versus Apollo fight, this is Midnighter verses a cold hard reality. ]
You know those suits won't handle it. I can't safely take you with me. [ Apollo is gentle, reasonable. The hand at Midnighter's elbow lingers, silently seeking out some kind of understanding between them. ] And we have no idea what the planet's atmosphere is like. Or the gravity. Or anything about it.
[ His expression turns beseeching, a little pleading. ]
I'll stay in contact as best I can...
Edited (i wanted a matching Human on the Inside icon ) 2018-07-20 08:34 (UTC)
Who gives a fuck about safety. You're not going down there without me.
[because as much as he may realise that he'll be a liability more than a help, the idea of letting apollo head off to an unknown planet without him is something he knows he can't do. he won't. not when he's only just gotten his husband back again.]
Either I go with you, or I come after you.
[and one option has a significantly lower chance of him coming out of it alive.]
[ The words are sighed more than said and there's an edge of exasperation to them. Sometimes the hypocrisy is just too much. His expression turns flat, even a little irritated despite the fact that he knows (of course he knows) that Midnighter's stubbornness is born of love. ]
I give a fuck about your safety. Even if the air was breathable and the gravity didn't crush you, there's no way you can survive re-entering a planet's atmosphere in one of those suits...
[ And that's that, as far as Apollo's concerned. He ducks his head, pressing a fond (and apologetic) kiss to his husband's cheek. ]
This is our day job. This is nothing. I can do this.
[over a million possible outcomes, each processed and disregarded in an instant. he's left with twelve-- another seven set aside. five left. no, three now. to accept it and move on, or to let this play out. to let his anger take the lead, or to hold back, despite knowing how this will end.
not that he really needed the computer to work that one out.
quite why the computer has finally sprung in to life over this, he doesn't know. doesn't want to analyse why the crosshairs (should be a halo. not a target) are shining so brightly right now. this isn't any different to any other...heated conversation that they've had before.
his body is tense as he shoves apollo away from him. barely a fraction of his strength, but a warning nonetheless. he's doing his best to retrain himself. to stick to the only option left that doesn't result in a real fight. that doesn't have the two of them at odds with each other. apollo is all he has here, and he knows he can't afford to drive him away again.]
So, what? You get to go down there while I sit at home playing housewife? Fuck that. [one more outcome removed then.] You know me better than that. I'm not doing it. I'm not sitting on my ass and waiting for you to come back. Either I go with you-- [well, his or isn't something he really wants to think about.]
[ The shove is nothing. Apollo steps back with the movement, rocking back on to one foot briefly, but he's had worse. He understands it for what it is; a simple expression of Midnighter's frustration, nothing more. ]
You're not listening to me. [ The words are still flat, still exasperated. Apollo can practically see the cogs whirring in that computer brain of his, faulty or not, and for once he wishes his husband would listen to him instead of whatever the fight computer was telling him. ]
You won't survive it. That's the long and short of it. So stop even thinking about coming down with me because it isn't going to happen!
[ He falters a little bit, realising his tone has turned a little more sharp than he'd planned. Apollo purses his lips with a shake of his head. ]
No-one's asking you to sit around on your hands while I'm away, least of all me. I'll be back in a few days.
[a burst of anger, and he finds himself grabbing ahold of the collar of apollo's flightsuit, the momentum there to shove them both in to the nearest wall. this would be the part when he'd attack. where the computer would kick in and tell him each point to strike to make the biggest impact. to kill his opponent. it takes every ounce of restraint he has to not follow through. to remind himself that, no matter how this turns, this is still apollo. he isn't the enemy here.
it doesn't keep him from maintaining his hold. but it does have his expression softening the slightest fraction. the threat may be real. but the part of him that loves apollo so deeply is enough to keep it under wraps. mostly.]
You don't get to tell me to stay here. I make my own decisions. And right now, that means I'm going down there with you.
[it doesn't matter that he knows apollo's concerns are logical ones. that midnighter isn't built the same way as him. he wouldn't survive in space without apollo there to keep him moving. doesn't have a way to propel himself with enough force to make it through the planet's atmosphere. but the idea of having to stay behind on this station, on having no idea whether the team are in danger or not, has him fighting that truth.]
[ Maybe if this had been any other kind of conversation, Apollo might have let Midnighter put him against whatever wall he wanted. Not for any kind of sexual kick (not in this situation at least) but because Apollo understands the need to give his husband a bit of power over him every now and again. It's a balance, and not one that Apollo would ever acknowledge out loud.
But when Midnighter goes for his collar, grappling with him, Apollo stands firm. Feet planted. Immovable. Because this isn't a conversation where he intends to give any ground away. In this, Apollo knows he is right and will not budge physically or verbally. ]
No. [ His hands, warm and solid, curl around Midnighter's own even as they clutch at the collar of his jumpsuit. ] Midnighter, use that brilliant, stupid brain of yours. You know I would take you with me if I could. But not if it means you would die, for God's sake.
[it isn't immediate. isn't a big tell. his jaw is still set, body tense and ready for a fight. but there's a trace of hopelessness to his expression, buried beneath it all. he knows that apollo isn't doing this out of spite. knows that his own place is here, no matter how much he wants otherwise. he just doesn't want to accept the logic behind it all.]
This isn't like back home. We don't have a team to back us up. [a daughter who'd tear the universe apart to keep them safe. a carrier to give them an easy escape. it doesn't matter how close apollo may be to some of the other people on the station, midnighter doesn't trust a single one of them. at least as far as apollo's safety is concerned.]
If something goes wrong out there, I want to be there with you. [whether that's to fight or to die alongside him, he doesn't care. just as long as he's not the one left behind with all the what if's. at least when his computer does it, he has an influence on the outcome.]
[ He repeats those words again, insistent and serious as he gently squeezes Midnighter's hands within his own. Apollo can sense the end of the argument in sight now, with that tiny fractional change in Midnighter's expression. Seizing upon it, he gives his husband a warming smile. An encouraging smile. The kind of smile that he so desperately wants in return but knows he isn't going to get. ]
It's a milk run, that's all. I'm just stretching my legs.
[for a long while, midnighter remains silent, his body entirely too still for a regular person. he's in the middle of waging a war of his own though. his computer whirling away, crunching numbers and odds about a planet it has extremely limited data about. all the while, midnighter is stuck trying to push past all that. to ignore it and take some level of solace in the fact that apollo knows what he's doing. knows when to press on and when to retreat. as much as his husband may want to protect others, may throw himself head first in to danger sometimes, apollo isn't an idiot. he does know what he's doing.
he'll be careful.
he'll stay safe.]
You die out there and I'm finding a way to bring you back so I can kick your lying ass myself.
[it's only with that break in silence, with that final acceptance, that midnighter manages to drop his hold on apollo. he doesn't move though. doesn't care that they're far too close to be continuing a conversation like this. that warmth he can feel sinking through his clothes is a comfort to him, even now. even when he's still so on edge. it means apollo is there. that midnighter hasn't managed to fail him yet.]
If something happens-- I don't give a shit about the others. You get your ass back here. No matter what. [a concession really. if he's going to be left behind, he needs that one assurance from apollo first.]
[ Apollo knows he shouldn't say stupid things like nothing will go wrong. There are time when things have gone so far beyond wrong for the Authority that it felt laughable to think that things would ever go right for them. But it's what Midnighter needs to hear (even if he doesn't believe him) and Apollo is only too happy to provide that extra bit of reassurance. Even if it's a ridiculous thing to promise.
But he's beaming at Midnighter now. Resolutely Apollo keeps Midnighter's hands within his own even as they fall away from his collar; he shifts his grip so that instead of the loose fist he had around Midnighter's wrists he now just holds them gently, warmly. Rubbing each thumb over the back of his fingers, enjoying the feeling of skin where there's usually a leather glove. ]
I'll come back to you. Promise.
[ The oath is hushed, gentle. It's not the one that Midnighter's asking for but it's close - and in a way, it's more important. There are so many times when it's been Midnighter leaving and Apollo is the one left at home - left while Midnighter goes off on his own little missions, righting wrongs and getting things out of his system - without knowing whether Midnighter is going to come home again. Apollo is determined to not let that happen here. ]
Just don't tear the station apart while I'm gone, all right? [ He's joking but only a little bit. ] And don't solve any mysteries without me either.
[despite the smile on apollo's face, despite the warm feeling that settles in the middle of his chest at being the cause of it, midnighter's expression still doesn't change. doesn't soften the way it usually would when they come to an understanding. he isn't happy about this, and it's a feeling that won't change until the moment that apollo makes it back from that planet again.
what he does do, however, is drag apollo in to a kiss. something that's more aggressive, more teeth than lips. something that's loaded with desperation.
what if things do go wrong? what if this is the last time he gets to see his husband...]
I've got to go punch something. If I don't leave now, it'll be you.
[which, given the way things just went, isn't going to end well. better to duck out now than do something he'll hate himself for later.]
[ The kiss is aggressive, sure, but Apollo can handle a bit of aggression. Kisses like these remind him of other kisses snatched in other places, other times - after a battle, after a fight, when the adrenaline is still pounding in their veins and there's blood on their lips. Yeah, Apollo can handle aggression.
They part again and Apollo takes the opportunity to move his hands, sliding them around Midnighter's waist. ]
Punch things after I leave. [ The words are murmured, a little pleading, and his arms tighten possessively. Now that they've reached this delicate agreement Apollo doesn't want his husband out of his presence so easily. ] Or let me join in, at least.
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no subject
when he finally does break his own silence, his expression remains hard, anger barely restrained. apollo said "i", not "we". meaning he has no plans on taking midnighter with him, and that's the part that sets him on edge.]
I suppose we'll find out if the space suits can make it through reentry tomorrow then. Might have to take a second oxygen tank.
[the assumption being that he's going with apollo. there's no way he's going to sit back and let his husband go down there alone.]
no subject
You know those suits won't handle it. I can't safely take you with me. [ Apollo is gentle, reasonable. The hand at Midnighter's elbow lingers, silently seeking out some kind of understanding between them. ] And we have no idea what the planet's atmosphere is like. Or the gravity. Or anything about it.
[ His expression turns beseeching, a little pleading. ]
I'll stay in contact as best I can...
no subject
[because as much as he may realise that he'll be a liability more than a help, the idea of letting apollo head off to an unknown planet without him is something he knows he can't do. he won't. not when he's only just gotten his husband back again.]
Either I go with you, or I come after you.
[and one option has a significantly lower chance of him coming out of it alive.]
no subject
[ The words are sighed more than said and there's an edge of exasperation to them. Sometimes the hypocrisy is just too much. His expression turns flat, even a little irritated despite the fact that he knows (of course he knows) that Midnighter's stubbornness is born of love. ]
I give a fuck about your safety. Even if the air was breathable and the gravity didn't crush you, there's no way you can survive re-entering a planet's atmosphere in one of those suits...
[ And that's that, as far as Apollo's concerned. He ducks his head, pressing a fond (and apologetic) kiss to his husband's cheek. ]
This is our day job. This is nothing. I can do this.
no subject
not that he really needed the computer to work that one out.
quite why the computer has finally sprung in to life over this, he doesn't know. doesn't want to analyse why the crosshairs (should be a halo. not a target) are shining so brightly right now. this isn't any different to any other...heated conversation that they've had before.
his body is tense as he shoves apollo away from him. barely a fraction of his strength, but a warning nonetheless. he's doing his best to retrain himself. to stick to the only option left that doesn't result in a real fight. that doesn't have the two of them at odds with each other. apollo is all he has here, and he knows he can't afford to drive him away again.]
So, what? You get to go down there while I sit at home playing housewife? Fuck that. [one more outcome removed then.] You know me better than that. I'm not doing it. I'm not sitting on my ass and waiting for you to come back. Either I go with you-- [well, his or isn't something he really wants to think about.]
no subject
You're not listening to me. [ The words are still flat, still exasperated. Apollo can practically see the cogs whirring in that computer brain of his, faulty or not, and for once he wishes his husband would listen to him instead of whatever the fight computer was telling him. ]
You won't survive it. That's the long and short of it. So stop even thinking about coming down with me because it isn't going to happen!
[ He falters a little bit, realising his tone has turned a little more sharp than he'd planned. Apollo purses his lips with a shake of his head. ]
No-one's asking you to sit around on your hands while I'm away, least of all me. I'll be back in a few days.
no subject
[a burst of anger, and he finds himself grabbing ahold of the collar of apollo's flightsuit, the momentum there to shove them both in to the nearest wall. this would be the part when he'd attack. where the computer would kick in and tell him each point to strike to make the biggest impact. to kill his opponent. it takes every ounce of restraint he has to not follow through. to remind himself that, no matter how this turns, this is still apollo. he isn't the enemy here.
it doesn't keep him from maintaining his hold. but it does have his expression softening the slightest fraction. the threat may be real. but the part of him that loves apollo so deeply is enough to keep it under wraps. mostly.]
You don't get to tell me to stay here. I make my own decisions. And right now, that means I'm going down there with you.
[it doesn't matter that he knows apollo's concerns are logical ones. that midnighter isn't built the same way as him. he wouldn't survive in space without apollo there to keep him moving. doesn't have a way to propel himself with enough force to make it through the planet's atmosphere. but the idea of having to stay behind on this station, on having no idea whether the team are in danger or not, has him fighting that truth.]
no subject
But when Midnighter goes for his collar, grappling with him, Apollo stands firm. Feet planted. Immovable. Because this isn't a conversation where he intends to give any ground away. In this, Apollo knows he is right and will not budge physically or verbally. ]
No. [ His hands, warm and solid, curl around Midnighter's own even as they clutch at the collar of his jumpsuit. ] Midnighter, use that brilliant, stupid brain of yours. You know I would take you with me if I could. But not if it means you would die, for God's sake.
no subject
[it isn't immediate. isn't a big tell. his jaw is still set, body tense and ready for a fight. but there's a trace of hopelessness to his expression, buried beneath it all. he knows that apollo isn't doing this out of spite. knows that his own place is here, no matter how much he wants otherwise. he just doesn't want to accept the logic behind it all.]
This isn't like back home. We don't have a team to back us up. [a daughter who'd tear the universe apart to keep them safe. a carrier to give them an easy escape. it doesn't matter how close apollo may be to some of the other people on the station, midnighter doesn't trust a single one of them. at least as far as apollo's safety is concerned.]
If something goes wrong out there, I want to be there with you. [whether that's to fight or to die alongside him, he doesn't care. just as long as he's not the one left behind with all the what if's. at least when his computer does it, he has an influence on the outcome.]
no subject
[ He repeats those words again, insistent and serious as he gently squeezes Midnighter's hands within his own. Apollo can sense the end of the argument in sight now, with that tiny fractional change in Midnighter's expression. Seizing upon it, he gives his husband a warming smile. An encouraging smile. The kind of smile that he so desperately wants in return but knows he isn't going to get. ]
It's a milk run, that's all. I'm just stretching my legs.
no subject
he'll be careful.
he'll stay safe.]
You die out there and I'm finding a way to bring you back so I can kick your lying ass myself.
[it's only with that break in silence, with that final acceptance, that midnighter manages to drop his hold on apollo. he doesn't move though. doesn't care that they're far too close to be continuing a conversation like this. that warmth he can feel sinking through his clothes is a comfort to him, even now. even when he's still so on edge. it means apollo is there. that midnighter hasn't managed to fail him yet.]
If something happens-- I don't give a shit about the others. You get your ass back here. No matter what. [a concession really. if he's going to be left behind, he needs that one assurance from apollo first.]
no subject
But he's beaming at Midnighter now. Resolutely Apollo keeps Midnighter's hands within his own even as they fall away from his collar; he shifts his grip so that instead of the loose fist he had around Midnighter's wrists he now just holds them gently, warmly. Rubbing each thumb over the back of his fingers, enjoying the feeling of skin where there's usually a leather glove. ]
I'll come back to you. Promise.
[ The oath is hushed, gentle. It's not the one that Midnighter's asking for but it's close - and in a way, it's more important. There are so many times when it's been Midnighter leaving and Apollo is the one left at home - left while Midnighter goes off on his own little missions, righting wrongs and getting things out of his system - without knowing whether Midnighter is going to come home again. Apollo is determined to not let that happen here. ]
Just don't tear the station apart while I'm gone, all right? [ He's joking but only a little bit. ] And don't solve any mysteries without me either.
no subject
what he does do, however, is drag apollo in to a kiss. something that's more aggressive, more teeth than lips. something that's loaded with desperation.
what if things do go wrong? what if this is the last time he gets to see his husband...]
I've got to go punch something. If I don't leave now, it'll be you.
[which, given the way things just went, isn't going to end well. better to duck out now than do something he'll hate himself for later.]
no subject
They part again and Apollo takes the opportunity to move his hands, sliding them around Midnighter's waist. ]
Punch things after I leave. [ The words are murmured, a little pleading, and his arms tighten possessively. Now that they've reached this delicate agreement Apollo doesn't want his husband out of his presence so easily. ] Or let me join in, at least.